We can make it happen

Message to a bisexual female:

See? Romance isn't dead.

I need you

Hey everyone-

I've deactivated my online dating accounts for the time being. If you want to keep this blog going, you'll have to send me your best encounters. Screenshots work best, I can do all the editing for you, and I promise to edit out all specific identifiers as I always have. Just email it to: youwantmetoputitwhere@gmail.com.

Thanks!
Aurora

Moose knuckle

Two of his photos. I cropped his face out of them so as to highlight the goods:

That is by far the largest moose knuckle I've ever seen.

Woah. Pornography.

With a d

Initial email exchange:

and then I check my inbox:

 Here are some of the highlights:

He sent five more messages over the next two days.

Passion for Jesus

First (and only, I'm sure) interaction:

Maybe that good "ridence" will help me find someone.

Pike?

From his profile:

Those are certainly words.

There's no need to yell

From his profile:

A few strategically placed periods would make him sound a lot less gay.

I'm sorry, what's your name?...

This is the first (and only) message from this guy:

Nope.

Good luck in med school...

From his profile:

I think "hypersexual" is an understatement in this guy's case.

Did you catch that? He has learned of everything sex and sexuality.

Wait... did he just say "speed"?

"How to move out of moms house." That poor, poor woman.

As opposed to all of the pro-depression activists. 

The world must know, who is this hypersexual obsessive-compulsive narcissist?

Here he is (face blurred for the viewer's protection):

That's where I keep my cash and bibles, too.

From his profile:

I think he just called himself "a fun loving outgoing woman."

... and this mega-catch's extremely enticing final photo:

Trying too hard

Message:
You look spectacularly familiar. I don't suppose you've ever endeavored to save the Snowy Plover from fiendishly elongated European beach grasses on tsunami-torn desert peninsulas, have you?

Reply:
whuzzat mean? mmmmm...........no?

Message:
Oh.. well that's a bloody shame, that is. I guess that means you haven't got a burgeoning chain of eco-friendly farms for migrant Americans looking to find a community of supportive and like-minded hands-on workers, either?

How could I possibly resist?

Missed Instant Messages:

Him: hi
Him: how r u today?
Him: don't u wonna talk?

From an OkCupid Instant Message Conversation:

Him: I don't like people who judge others
Me: the irony, though, is that your statement contradicts itself
Him: Didn't get what you mean
Me: "i don't like people who..." is a statement of judgement.
Him: That's true. Then how it should be?
Me: well, there's no should, necessarily. life is full of contradictions.
Him: I like your opinion
Him: You made me think that 'am I judgmental '

I think you mean Houston...

Message:

Hello, Washington... so you copy? We seem to have a communication failure. Interference,perhaps sunspots. An attractive alien has appeared on my radar screen. She is unlike most that I have encountered. She has an out-of-this-world smile, and says she knows the difference between two and too. I will try to make contact. Please advise.

Of all the pictures in all the profiles I've seen, this is my favorite. A childhood photo of him:

About a month after that, on Facebook chat:

I went on two dates with this guy, a month prior to this:

To be continued...

Sent in by a reader of the blog:

Message excerpt:

I'm just a few classes away from being done with college.

**(probably because he keeps getting distracted by such heavy literature...)**

Message: Ever do an **(dorky musical term)** while having sex? Its sorta my ultimate fantasy. Haha

Message: Look, I know the deal. You probably won't write me back because I am a married guy that doesn't have a pic. Not a good combination! However, I had to write you anyway. To make matters worse, I think we share a common facebook friend. I don't know your name though, so I could be wrong. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I think you are insanely gorgeous, and seem pretty down to earth too. OK, I am going to delete this profile now, I shouldn't have even written you. Have a great weekend, and good luck on this site.

His profile:

My self-summary
I am a very easy gng laid bac guy who likes to have fun I am very open minded and easy to get along with I treat others the way I like to be treated if u like to knw anything els about me fill free to ask me

What I'm doing with my life
Enjoying my life and havein fun life to short to be unhappy.

I'm really good at
What I do and a few other things mechanicina and what ever i put my mind too

The first things people usually notice about me
Is my personally eyes body type and smile

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
music Country music,books Dnt read, **(you don't say...)** My fav movie is walk the line,food Cineese,mexican,skows lizard lick,operation repo

The six things I could never do without
Family, friends, food, job,Cigs,vechile,shelter

I spend a lot of time thinking about
What I could of done different in life but u learn from my mistakes **(I do?)**

On a typical Friday night I am
Either at home or out with sum gd friends

The most private thing I'm willing to admit
Umm ask me that personal of u like to knw tat answer;)

You should message me if
You are interested and really serious about wat u want Bc I am not down for no game thank you

From his profile:

5'6, 145, slim but cut with it, low hair, three tattoos, beautiful smile, straight teeth, very outgoing, smart and witty, love to laugh and to keep my mate laughing,I can cook, I'm a slick neat freak, love kids, and I rap. I'm not picky at all, n I dont discriminate. I truly believe dat beauty is only skin deep n tru beauty cums from within. So, if ur not beautiful nside please dont hit me up. I'm sick of u fine ass ugly attitude females wit these HOT ass faces n these COLD ass hearts, its time 4 a change. I SWEAR! **(et cetera)**

Message:

hi, how are you, you're gorgeous cutie and you have very sexy eyes...my name is **(name)** by the way

Messages:
July 23, 6:02pm:
I'll do anything you want

July 24, 1:46am:
Whatever

July 25, 6:11pm:
I'll kiss your feet!

July 27, 11:02pm:
Huhhuhuhhuhuh?

July 31, 4:10pm:
Ill let u step on my balls

Reply from me:
July 31, 6:13pm:
Go away.

Message from him: 
July 31, 6:30pm:
U go away

Message:

Hi

I think we might be potentially good matches. I'm artistic and creative myself. My tastes change and I go from one thing to another, but I'm trying to bring some order to my creative endeavors. I'm not any good at music, but I can draw almost anything. I've drawn ever since I could pick up a pencil. **et cetera**

------

Among his pictures was an example of his "sculpture:"

Message:

Hi Ms,. Enchanting

Message:

hey my name is **female name**.. first off i want to say you are a very gorgeous girl. second off i would like to ask you a question. i had looked at your profile and your picture had taken my breath away. i have never had a girl experience before and would love to have one. so i told my boyfriend about you and he said to ask so here goes. would you want to join me in my venture of having my first threesome. i know its really random but i feel you would be perfect and we would have a great time. just let me know whether it be good or bad ill be waiting

Message:

Could I please massage and play with your feet and stockings. I will assure you that its mild and harmless and both of us will enjoy it. Text me at **(number)**.

Messages:

hey what's up? how are u? my name is **(name)** im 26 years old i live in **(place)** and im looking for someone who i can go out with and have fun with and maybe more.you are very beautiful, im in the proccess of starting a band i have like over 30 + songs. If you like what u see and are interested text me **(phone number)** would love to hear from u


**Five Minutes Later...**

i don't know if u read my message yet or not of if ur even interested but im a really good guy and fun to be around with. it just seems like every person i message won't message me back and it sucks and you look like a really fun person to be around with but im also getting tired of just being alone and at the house and stuff. I just really havent gone out and partied since my mom died